My Friend, The Dictionary lyrics MR. PANCH (spoken)
Miss Ostrovsky, your word is boanthropy.
OLIVE (spoken)
Oh, wait. One second. Please ma’am, could you not sit in that seat?
OLIVE
I saved a chair for my dad
In the fourth row on the aisle
And it may take him a while
But when he gets here
That’s his chair
‘Cause my mother’s in an ashram
In India
I saved a chair for her too
But it’s merely symbolic
As daily she washes herself in the Ganges
And I live in a house
Where there’s an oversized dictionary
That I read
As a girl
On the toilet
I love my dictionary
And I love the indented border
Every word’s in alphabetical order
Ergo, lost things
Always can be found
And I wrap my head around
The fact that in one book
Is the entire language of our species
Which is a favorite term of Nicci’s
Who’s the great-grandfather of Christina Ricci’s
(Laughs)
Yes I joke, but the words in the dictionary
Are the friends that I’ll have forever
More than the friends I have made in school
BOY SPELLERS
She’s such a lovely girl
With a lovely little voice
LOGAINNE
And I heard that she’s pro-choice
Though still a virgin
MS. PERETTI
And she talks into her hand
An often used technique
OLIVE
What you do not understand
Is once I day is then I’ve said it
MS. PERETTI
And so much to her credit
She talks into her hand
And turns aside
OLIVE
So I will not make a mistake
And be disqualified
(spoken) Boanthropy. B-o-a-n-t-h-r-o-p-y? Boanthropy?
MR. PANCH (spoken)
That is correct.
OLIVE, MS. PERETTI
My friend the dictionary
Is a very reliable friend
OLIVE, MS. PERETTI, GIRLS
Doo doo doo doo doo doo
Ba da da da da da da