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| Frank Zappa lyrics
Briefcase Boogie lyrics
Frank Zappa (guitar, synclavier)
Steve Vai (guitar)
Ray White (guitar, vocals)
Tommy Mars (keyboards)
Chuck Wild (piano)
Arthur Barrow (bass)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Jay Anderson (string bass)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Chad Wackerman (drums)
Ike Willis (vocals)
Terry Bozzio (vocals)
Dale Bozzio (vocals)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (vocals)
Bob Harris (vocals)
Johnny ";Guitar"; Watson (vocals)
HARRY: (to THING-FISH)
Anything you say, master! Take me, I'm yours!
RHONDA: (Broadway-style fake singing)
Jingle bells, Jingle bells,
Jingle all the way!
Oh, what fun it is to ride
To Chicago every day, oh...
THING-FISH:
Oooh, lawd! Lookit you, boy! Chain thoo de nipples 'n evvy goddam thing! You a sick white muthafucker, ain'tcha?
RHONDA:
Bells on bob-tail ring,
Making spirits bright!
Oh, what fun it is to ride
To Chicago every night, oh...
HARRY:
For Chrissake, RHONDA! Have you no SHAME?
THING-FISH:
Y'all make up y'mind yet, 'bouts de MAMMY o' yo' dreams?
HARRY:
You bet! I've waited ALL MY LIFE for this moment! My heart is fluttering! If only I could submit myself on approval, for a limited time only...to ...to that nasty little rubber MAMMY on your knee...
THING-FISH:
SISTER OB'DEWLLA 'X'? De mys'try SISTER? Y'all wants t'party hearty with de min'yature rubber MAMMY wit de string out de back? Yow! Dintcha get 'nuff 'buse fum de other bitch when y'was livin' in de card-bo'd hut?
RHONDA:
HARRY...HARRY...hey! HARRY! Fucking wor-r-r-mmmmmmmmmm! I want a DIVORCE, HARRY!
HARRY:
Not now, dearest, PLEASE! This is serious! Little MAMMY, what'll it be? Hips or lips?
HARRY snatches SISTER OB'DEWLLA 'X' away from THING-FISH, bashing himself with it in an irrational manner.
RHONDA un-zips the Santa Claus costume, revealing the rubber body suit, hoping for some sign of interest from her deranged husband. There isn't any...he's beating the fuck out of himself and loving every minute of it.
She squeezes her rubber tits, as if to squirt them at him. Still no interest.
RHONDA:
You're a wor-r-r-r-mmmmmmm! A fucking WOR-R-R-R-M-M-M-M-MMMMMMMMMMM! These are my TITS, HARRY! I have TITS! Look! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT MY WONDERFUL TITS, YOU FUCKING WOR-R-R-R-R-MMMMMMMM! I'm going to pretend I'm SQUIRTING THEM ON YOU! Whoo! Wheeeee! ALMOST GOTCHA!
HARRY:
Not now, RHONDA! Ow! Oof! Oh, I love this! Hurt me! Hurt me! Oh, pull my chain, you tiny potato-headed whatchamacallit!
RHONDA:
They're almost squirting, HARRY! Look! Look! Whoooooo! Whooooo! Whoooo! You fucking worm!
THING-FISH:
OB'DEWLLA! Is y'awright? Don't be pullin' de boy's chain too hard dere! He gots 'nuthuh show t'do t'morrow! Don't put dat in yo' MOUF, girl! I knows y'cain hep y'seff wit dat crazy muthafucker 'busin' you like dat, but jes' hang on a lil' longuh...he be droppin' de wad putty soon now!
RHONDA: (pinching her nipples, jiggling her tits)
Jingle bells, jingle bells...
HARRY:
Oh! This is divine!
RHONDA:
This is my PUSSY, HARRY! Look! See it? You know what I'm gonna do with it, you worm? I'm gonna make it FUCK SOMETHING! That's right! You won't get any of it...because you're DISGUSTING! An' I don't need you, MR. FIRST-NIGHTER! My wonderful, wonderful pussy doesn't need you! I have my BRIEFCASE, HARRY! I'm going to FUCK MY BRIEFCASE! I'm going to...look! Look at this! I got it right over here! There! See it? My BIG, BROWN, BRIEFCASE! MY BRIEFCASE! It's BIG, HARRY! It's full of BUSINESS PAPERS...from MY CAREER!
A tan and brown briefcase, seven feet tall, is lowered in. FRANCESCO watches it land near his window. He exits the bungalow with a can of Crisco and a violin case. n pantomime, he cautiously interrupts RHONDA'S monologue, suggesting that she examine the contents of the case. It contains a strap-on dildo of such ridiculous proportions that a chain leading from just behind the head of it must be hooked to a leather dog collar around RHONDA'S neck, in order to hold it up. FRANCESCO recommends the Crisco as a lubricant, daubs on a bit with a miniature doll's foot, finally indicating that she conceal her pubic hair with a cardboard box, in the manner preferred by famous singing Christians.
RHONDA reaches inside the briefcase and locates her 'SPECIAL ATOMIC GLASSES' (with tiny doll arms reaching out through tiny cardboard boxes), and puts them on.
She reaches in again and finds an artificial hamburger with a red ribbon on it. She mounts it on top of her head, tying the ribbon in a neat bow below her chin. Ready at last, she humps the briefcase vigorously.
RHONDA: (contd.)
I'm gonna put my GLASSES ON, HARRY! I'm gonna put my hair up in a BUN! Then, I'm going FUCK FUCK FUCK! Ha-ha-ha-hahhhhh! Look! See me? See how I got my hair up? Whooo! I'm REALLY DOING IT! Unngh! Unngh!
HARRY:
RHONDA...have you no SHAME! Keep the briefcase closed, for chrissake! All your documents are falling out!
RHONDA: (as over-sized file folders emerge)
Unngh! I'm GOOD! Oh God I'm good! Harder! Faster! Unngh! Unngh! This is TERRIFIC! Boy, I need it so bad...
HARRY:
Those are the Warner Brothers files, aren't they dear? Don't you think there'll be some questions about the condition of the blue paper?
THING-FISH:
Girl! Bes' be careful wit de latch!
RHONDA: (with the handle in her mouth, semi-intelligible)
I'm sucking the handle now, HARRY! Look! Mmmmmm! It tastes GOOD! Mmmmmm! Mmmmmm! The handle! The handle!
HARRY:
Hurt me, OB'DEWLLA! Make me whimper and beg for your tiny rubber love!
After nibbling on it as if it were a giant piece of corn-on-the-cob, THING-FISH hands RHONDA an oversized pink fountain pen with her name on the clip.
RHONDA:
I've got a fountain pen, HARRY! I've got a fountain pen with MY INITIALS on it! I'm putting it in my mouth, HARRY! I'm gonna get it wet! I'm gonna stuff it up my asshole and ride the briefcase again, you disgusting perverted bastard worm! I'm gonna do it! Look, HARRY! Whooo! Unngh! Unngh! God-damit, HARRY! Watch me! This is for your own good!
Other Frank Zappa lyrics:
Hungry Freaks, Daddy lyrics
I Ain't Got No Heart lyrics
Who Are The Brain Police? lyrics
Go Cry On Somebody Else's Shoulder lyrics
Motherly Love lyrics
How Could I Be Such A Fool lyrics
Wowie Zowie lyrics
You Didn't Try To Call Me lyrics
Any Way The Wind Blows lyrics
I'm Not Satisfied lyrics
You're Probably Wondering Why I'm Here lyrics
Trouble Every Day lyrics
The Return Of The Son Of Monster Magnet lyrics
Call Any Vegetable lyrics
Cheap Thrills lyrics
How Could I Be Such A Fool (in album Cruising With Ruben & The Jets) lyrics
Deseri lyrics
I'm Not Satisfied (in album Cruising With Ruben & The Jets) lyrics
Jelly Roll Gum Drop lyrics
Anything lyrics
Later That Night lyrics
You Didn't Try To Call Me (in album Cruising With Ruben & The Jets) lyrics
Fountain Of Love lyrics
"No No No" lyrics
Stuff Up The Cracks lyrics
Any Way The Wind Blows (in album Cruising With Ruben & The Jets) lyrics
Lumpy Gravy I lyrics
Very Distraughtening lyrics
White Ugliness lyrics
Just One More Time lyrics
Drums Are Too Noisy lyrics
Kangaroos lyrics
Envelops The Bath Tub lyrics
Who Needs The Peace Corps? lyrics
Concentration Moon lyrics
Mom & Dad lyrics
Bow Tie Daddy lyrics
Absolutely Free lyrics
Flower Punk lyrics
Little House I Used To Live In lyrics
Valarie lyrics
The Voice Of Cheese lyrics
Dog Breath, In The Year Of The Plague lyrics
Louie Louie lyrics
Our Bizarre Relationship lyrics
The Uncle Meat Variations lyrics
Electric Aunt Jemima lyrics
God Bless America lyrics
The Air lyrics
Ian Underwood Whips It Out lyrics
Mr. Green Genes lyrics
We Can Shoot You lyrics
If We'd All Been Living In California... lyrics
Cruising For Burgers lyrics
Tengo Na Minchia Tanta lyrics
Road Ladies lyrics
Twenty Small Cigars lyrics
The Nancy & Mary Music lyrics
Would You Go All The Way? lyrics
Chunga's Revenge lyrics
The Clap lyrics
Rudy Wants To Buy Yez A Drink lyrics
Didja Get Any Onya? lyrics
Directly From My Heart To You lyrics
Prelude To The Afternoon Of A Sexually Aroused Gas Mask lyrics
Toads Of The Short Forest lyrics
Get A Little lyrics
Weasels Ripped My Flesh lyrics
I'm So Cute lyrics
Lonesome Cowboy Nando lyrics
Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance lyrics
The M.O.I. Anti-Smut Loyalty Oath lyrics
Tryin' To Grow A Chin lyrics
Semi-Fraudulent\Direct-From-Hollywood Overture lyrics
Mystery Roach lyrics
This Town Is A Sealed Tuna Sandwich (Prologue) lyrics
Tuna Fish Promenade lyrics
This Town Is A Sealed Tuna Sandwich (Reprise) lyrics
The Sealed Tuna Bolero lyrics
Lonesome Cowboy Burt lyrics
Would You Like A Snack? lyrics
Redneck Eats lyrics
Centerville lyrics
She Painted Up Her Face lyrics
Janet's Big Dance Number lyrics
Half A Dozen Provocative Squats lyrics
Shove It Right In lyrics
I'm Stealing The Towels lyrics
Dental Hygeine Dilemma lyrics
Does This Kind Of Life Look Interesting To You? lyrics
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy lyrics
Penis Dimension lyrics
What Will This Evening Bring Me This Morning lyrics
A Nun Suit Painted On Some Old Boxes lyrics
Magic Fingers lyrics
Dew On The Newts We Got lyrics
The Lad Searches The Night For His Newts lyrics
The Girl Wants To Fix Him Some Broth lyrics
The Girl's Dream lyrics
Little Green Scratchy Sweaters & Courduroy Ponce lyrics
Strictly Genteel (The Finale) lyrics
Little House I Used To Live In (in album Fillmore East ) lyrics
The Mud Shark lyrics
What Kind Of Girl Do You Think We Are? lyrics
Bwana Dik lyrics
Latex Solar Beef lyrics
Do You Like My New Car? lyrics
Happy Together lyrics
Lonesome Electric Turkey lyrics
Tears Began To Fall lyrics
Willie The Pimp lyrics
Billy The Mountain lyrics
Call Any Vegetable (in album Just Another Band From L.A.) lyrics
Eddie, Are You Kidding? lyrics
Magdalena lyrics
Dog Breath lyrics
Your Mouth lyrics
It Just Might Be A One-Shot Deal lyrics
Camarillo Brillo lyrics
Dirty Love lyrics
50\50 lyrics
For Calvin (And His Next Two Hitch-Hikers) lyrics
Don't Eat The Yellow Snow lyrics
Nanook Rubs It lyrics
St. Alphonzo's Pancake Breakfast lyrics
Father O'Blivion lyrics
Cosmik Debris lyrics
Excentrifugal Forz lyrics
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Uncle Remus lyrics
Stink Foot lyrics
Penguin In Bondage lyrics
Pygmy Twylyte lyrics
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Cheepnis lyrics
Son Of Orange County lyrics
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Sam With The Showing Scalp Flat Top lyrics
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Muffin Man lyrics
Inca Roads lyrics
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Po-Jama People lyrics
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Black Napkins lyrics
Ms. Pinky lyrics
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The Adventures Of Greggery Peccary lyrics
Lemme Take You To The Beach lyrics
Big Leg Emma lyrics
Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me? lyrics
I'm The Slime lyrics
I Promise Not To Come In Your Mouth lyrics
The Black Page Drum Solo\Black Page #1 lyrics
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The Torture Never Stops lyrics
Titties & Beer lyrics
A Little Green Rosetta lyrics
A Token Of My Extreme lyrics
Catholic Girls lyrics
Crew Slut lyrics
Dong Work For Yuda lyrics
He Used To Cut The Grass lyrics
Joe's Garage lyrics
Keep It Greasy lyrics
Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up lyrics
On The Bus lyrics
Packard Goose lyrics
Stick It Out lyrics
Sy Borg lyrics
The Central Scrutinizer lyrics
Watermelon In Easter Hay lyrics
Wet T-Shirt Nite lyrics
Why Does It Hurt When I Pee? lyrics
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I Have Been In You lyrics
Flakes lyrics
Broken Hearts Are For Assholes lyrics
Flambay lyrics
Spider Of Destiny lyrics
Time Is Money lyrics
Sleep Dirt lyrics
Bamboozled By Love lyrics
Brown Shoes Don't Make It (in album Tinseltown Rebellion) lyrics
Dance Contest lyrics
Fine Girl lyrics
For The Young Sophisticate lyrics
I Ain't Got No Heart (in album Tinseltown Rebellion) lyrics
Panty Rap lyrics
Peaches III lyrics
Pick Me, I'm Clean lyrics
Tell Me You Love Me lyrics
The Blue Light lyrics
Tinseltown Rebellion lyrics
Teenage Wind lyrics
Harder Than Your Husband lyrics
Doreen lyrics
Goblin Girl lyrics
Theme From The 3rd Mvmt Of "Sinister Footwear" lyrics
Society Pages lyrics
I'm A Beautiful Guy lyrics
Beauty Knows No Pain lyrics
Charlie's Enormous Mouth lyrics
Any Downers? lyrics
Conehead lyrics
You Are What You Is lyrics
Mudd Club lyrics
The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing lyrics
Dumb All Over lyrics
Heavenly Bank Account lyrics
Suicide Chump lyrics
Jumbo Go Away lyrics
If Only She Woulda lyrics
Drafted Again lyrics
No Not Now lyrics
Valley Girl lyrics
I Come From Nowhere lyrics
Drowning Witch lyrics
Teen-Age Prostitute lyrics
Baby Snakes lyrics
Dinah Moe Humm lyrics
Jones Crusher lyrics
Punky's Whips lyrics
Titties 'N' Beer lyrics
Cocaine Decisions lyrics
The Dangerous Kitchen lyrics
Tink Walks Amok lyrics
The Radio Is Broken lyrics
The Man From Utopia Meets Mary Lou lyrics
Sex lyrics
The Jazz Discharge Party Hats lyrics
We Are Not Alone lyrics
Love Story lyrics
In France lyrics
Baby, Take Your Teeth Out lyrics
Marqueson's Chicken lyrics
Planet Of My Dreams lyrics
Be In My Video lyrics
Them Or Us lyrics
Frogs With Dirty Little Lips lyrics
Whippin' Post lyrics
Sharleena lyrics
The Mammy Nuns lyrics
Harry & Rhonda lyrics
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The 'Torchum' Never Stops lyrics
That Evil Prince lyrics
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Mudd Club (in album Thing-Fish) lyrics
The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing (in album Thing-Fish) lyrics
Clowns On Velvet lyrics
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He's So Gay lyrics
The Massive Improve'lence lyrics
Artificial Rhonda lyrics
The Crab-Grass Baby lyrics
The White Boy Troubles lyrics
No Not Now (in album Thing-fish) lyrics
Wistful With A Fist-Full lyrics
Drop Dead lyrics
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Porn Wars lyrics
We're Turning Again lyrics
I Don't Even Care lyrics
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Planet Of The Baritone Women lyrics
Any Kind Of Pain lyrics
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When The Lie's So Big lyrics
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Promiscuous lyrics
The Untouchables lyrics
Why Don't You Like Me? lyrics
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Outside Now (in album Broadway The Hard Way) lyrics
Hot Plate Heaven At The Green Hotel lyrics
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Love Of My Life lyrics
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My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol 4) lyrics
Smell My Beard lyrics
Stevie's Spanking lyrics
Stick Together lyrics
Take Me Out To The Ball Game lyrics
Teen-Age Wind lyrics
The Black Page lyrics
The Booger Man lyrics
The Closer You Are lyrics
The Evil Prince lyrics
The Man From Utopia lyrics
The Torture Never Stops (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol 4) lyrics
Tiny Sick Tears lyrics
Truck Driver Divorce lyrics
Willie The Pimp (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol 4) lyrics
You Call That Music? lyrics
Advance Romance lyrics
A Game Of Cards lyrics
A Pound For A Brown (On The Bus) lyrics
Baked-Bean Boogie lyrics
Charles Ives lyrics
Chocolate Halvah lyrics
City Of Tiny Lites (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol 5) lyrics
Dancin' Fool lyrics
Doreen (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol 5) lyrics
Easy Meat lyrics
F.Z.\JCB Drum Duet lyrics
Geneva Farewell lyrics
German Lunch lyrics
Here Lies Love lyrics
Meow lyrics
JCB & Kansas On The Bus #1 lyrics
JCB & Kansas On The Bus #2 lyrics
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My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama lyrics
My Head? lyrics
No Waiting For The Peanuts To Dissolve lyrics
Piano\Drum Duet lyrics
Proto-Minimalism lyrics
Return Of The Hunch-Back Duke lyrics
Right There lyrics
Run Home Slow: Main Title Theme lyrics
Shall We Take Ourselves Seriously? lyrics
The Dead Girls Of London lyrics
The Downtown Talent Scout lyrics
The Little March lyrics
Trouble Every Day (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol 5) lyrics
Underground Freak-Out Music lyrics
What's New In Baltimore? lyrics
Where's Our Equipment? lyrics
Where Is Johnny Velvet? lyrics
Agency Man lyrics
Epilogue lyrics
Harry, You're A Beast lyrics
Help, I'm A Rock lyrics
Holding The Group Back lyrics
Holiday In Berlin lyrics
King Kong lyrics
Let's Make The Water Turn Black lyrics
Like It Or Not lyrics
Oh No lyrics
Progress? lyrics
Prologue lyrics
Sleeping In A Jar lyrics
The Jimmy Carl Black Philosophy Lesson lyrics
The Orange County Lumber Truck lyrics
Transylvania Boogie lyrics
The Rejected Mexican Pope Leaves The Stage lyrics
Undaunted, The Band Plays On lyrics
This Ain't CNN lyrics
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